Ah that’s refreshing. Like jumping into a pool on a hot day, the Premier League returned from the international break with a splash and made us all feel very nice.
Liverpool shortened their odds to win the league, Fulham broke this season’s record for holding out against City and Eden Hazard made us all take a good hard look at ourselves and question how we deserve to share this earth with someone so superior.
Our rundown of all the action for game week 5
‘This is our year’ – it might actually be!
Liverpool are the shortest odds they have been to win the title since Gerrard took a slip against Chelsea. That is because they beat fellow title contenders (debatable) Tottenham at Wembley in what was a highly-anticipated clash.
The first half was abysmal, but Michel Vorm ensured we at least saw a goal. Spurs put in a very dry performance after their loss to Watford last time out. They just didn’t seem quite with it, and if Liverpool (Salah and Mane especially) would have taken their heads out of the metaphorical sand and perhaps, I don’t know, decided to PASS THE BALL once in a while, it could have been five or six.
It turned out not to matter too much, but when you’ve bloody captained Mo Salah and he gets you four points what are you going to do? Am I meant to go home to my wife, as supposedly a person who knows about football, and tell her that my fantasy football captain got me four points? She’d laugh me out the house.
Fulham the latest canon-fodder for City
Olga Halon, 97, accompanied Manchester City midfielder Fernandinho on to the pitch
Fulham have a decent squad for one of the promoted sides, including a World Cup-winner and a youngster tipped by some to be on Ronaldo and Messi’s level in the future. Many predicted they’d do swimmingly in this league, and they still may do fine.
Even with their decent squad, when you’re visiting Man City, most teams would need a plan to sit-back and try to limit the champions to as few chances as possible. We imagine Slaviša Jokanović would have told his side to keep it tight early on. Give them nothing. Make it tough for them to play. Try to get in at half time 0-0 and go from there. It was a good plan, absolutely solid. Based on that, there would be no reason why Fulham couldn’t keep it level.
So what does Jean Michael Seri do 90 seconds into the match? Give the ball away carelessly to Fernandinho, who then went on to cross for Leroy Sane to tap in. From that moment on, Fulham had lost, the plan went out the window and it was another three points for City. We feel this will be a recurring theme as well for the rest of the season for those visiting the Etihad. Side note: shout out Vera and Olga!
Hazard too good for this league
Eden Hazard is too good for this league
The Premier League is said to be the best league in the world football. Well if that’s true then Eden Hazard has completed football. He is just too good. After witnessing the Belgian score a hat-trick at the weekend, he just seems like one of those players who could dribble past the whole opposition if he wanted to.
Hazard, Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kevin De Bruyne and Troy Deeney should just all play in their own little elite team, and kept well away from the common riff-raff of the Premier League. They are too good to be blessing Turf Moor with their presence.
Will he go to Madrid? Won’t he? It doesn’t matter, he will still boss it wherever he goes. Hazard might as well give up and go to China, at least there he’d earn close to what he’s worth – not like the pittence he’ll be on at the moment.
Football boot of the week – Nike Mercurial Vapor XII Elites
Unsurprisingly, Nike Mercurial Vapours are the boots worn by Eden Hazard. The Ultra Flyknit Vapors are lightweight and ensures your foot is effectively wrapped in a ‘second-skin.’ So basically, you get the benefit of playing football in socks (enhanced control), but don’t have to worry about that one dick who always intentionally tries to stamp on your feet.
Hazard is used to a fair few defenders kicking out at him in a desperate attempt to stop him, so these lightweight yet wrapped Vapors are ideal. They protect him from lethal attacks of the foot and they also enable the forward to optimise his pace while enhancing his control – so he is really able to maximise the effect of those mazy dribbles he so frequently partakes in.
