KANE. ENGLAND. IT’S COMING HOME. WORDS. EXCITEMENT. CAPITAL LETTERS. Sorry, sorry. We will calm down now. As you might have guessed, and let’s be honest you will know by now, England played Panama today knowing a win would send the Three Lions through, and (not so much) spoiler alert, they did. They bloody did.
In the other matches, Poland whimpered out of the World Cup and Senegal and Japan played out a much better match than many predicted.
Criticism ensued following England’s opening-game victory over Tunisia. Tunisia are nothing special, they said. You only beat them in the last minute, they said. Pathetic, they said. But if you don’t expect us to celebrate a last-minute winner in a World Cup Finals then you are deluded and sadly, sadly mistaken.
So how about this for you: 6-1 against Panama. How do you like them apples? The Panamanians took some tips off those Tunisians on how to try and give away blatant penalties by cuddling England players from corners. The only difference this time was that the ref actually had a pair of cojones and penalised them. The first penalty came from a legitimate attempt to get the ball, however.
Harry Kane smashed the penalty so hard his mum could feel it (what?), after John Stones crashed a header home in the eighth minute.
Jesse Lingard scored England’s third with a lovely curled effort into the top corner, before a well-worked free-kick routine found Raheem Sterling in front of the goal, a yard out. He of course missed, but Stones was there to put in the rebound.
England’s fifth came on the stroke of half-time, Kane scoring another penalty that was given for holding in the box. He completed his hat-trick after a shot hit his heel and rebounded into the net for England’s sixth. You’ll notice we are covering each goal in pairs, that’s simply because there were so many of them – just saying.
We let Panama get one back from a free-kick when Felipe Baloy slid in to fire past Jordan Pickford, capitalising on some poor marking.
But that was it, a 6-1 demolition job by England. If anyone says football isn’t coming home, please exit now and close the door on the way out. You are not welcome. COME ON ENGLAND!
We were going to absolute ridicule Poland for a terrible performance; perhaps the worst in the tournament so far. However, the commentators said something during the second half. They said some sad words: ‘It is a tournament too far for the Poles.’ They described them as being too old and it then hit us that they were trying their best, they just couldn’t handle a Colombian side that were completely electric.
Those South Americans only took the whole of Colombia with them, and their fans were not disappointed. James Rodriguez put on a master-class and grabbed two assists. The first, and Colombia’s first goal, was a lovely clip into the box to give Yerry Mina a goal on a plate.
Radamel Falcao made it two as he finished nicely one-on-one before Rodriguez played a disgusting ball that made at least 87% of viewers physically sick due to intense amazement. He picked out Juan Cuadrado who again finished nicely one-on-one.
Poland rarely threatened, and it was truly sad to see a decent side with lots of talent struggle so greatly at the hands of the Colombians.
We had this nailed on as a goalless draw. Shows how much we know. Eiji Kawashima in the Japanese goal gifted Sadio Mane the opener. He literally looked like he placed the ball onto Mane’s foot and let it rebound into his net. Takashi Inui equalised following a swift counter-attack ending in his curling effort finding the corner.
Muassa Wague put the Africans back in front in the second half as he converted a cross high into the net. Keisuke Honda set up a tense finale though when he capitalised on some more questionable goalkeeping to earn Japan a point.
Yes, this is the boot of Kane, but you’ll notice the absence of “Kane’s personalised Hypervenoms” in the title. That is because today’s boot of the day was worn by John Stones, who scored a brace from defence. Not bad.
After missing some great chances against Tunisia, it would have done Jesse Lingard a world of good scoring such a great goal. I am sure he is an avid reader of FBG’s World Cup updates, so knowing he’s won our goal of the day will be huge for the lad. He scores any more like it and we will have to call him Messi Lingard.
Take your pick: either Rodriguez’s lovely curl into the box for his side’s opener or his amazing cross-field ball to Cuadrado. Both were insane. What is it about World Cups that brings out the best in this guy? Scratch that, brings him out at all. Despite his injury problems, he has been near invisible the last four years. Now he certainly isn’t though.
Shout out to the atmosphere generated by the Colombian fans first of all. That was not our moment of the day though. Instead, we are giving it to Panama for their first World Cup goal ever scored! Their players were kind of scumbags, but their fans certainly weren’t and kept in great spirits throughout the game. Great attitude, that is what football is all about and they deserved the goal.
Harry Kane +16 (Nike) – I believe we have a record number of points for one player in one match. Three goals, one MOTM performance, 16 points for Nike!
John Stones +8 (Nike) – Two headed goals.
Jesse Lingard +4 (Adidas) – Great goal.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek +2 (Adidas) – Shot hit Kane so technically gets an assist.
Raheem Sterling +2 (Nike) – Assisted Lingard.
Kieran Trippier +2 (Nike) – Assisted Stones for the opener.
Felipe Baloy +4 (Nike) – Scored Panama’s first ever WC goal!
Ricardo Avila +2 (Nike) – Assisted Panama’s goal.
Sadio Mane +8 (New Balance) – MOTM and got the first goal.
Moussa Wague +4 (Nike) – Scored Senegal’s second.
M’Baye Niang +2 (Nike) – Assisted his side’s second.
Takashi Inui +6 (Asics) – Scored and assisted.
Keisuke Honda +4 (Mizuno) – Scored the second equaliser.
Yuto Nagatomo +2 (Nike) – Assisted Honda.
James Rodriguez +8 (Adidas) – Two amazing assists rightfully earns him a MOTM performance.
Juan Cuadrado +4 (Adidas) – Scored the third goal.
Radamel Falcao +4 (Nike) – Scored the second goal.
Yerry Mina +6 (Adidas) – Scored the first goal plus got a clean sheet.
Juan Quintero +2 (Nike) – Assisted Falcao.
David Ospina +3 (Adidas) – Clean sheet.
Davinson Sanchez +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Santiago Arias +2 (Adidas) – Clean sheet.
Johan Mojica +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Adidas | Asics | Diadora | Mizuno | New Balance | Nike | Puma | Umbro | Under Armour |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
189 | 14 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 501 | 78 | 2 | 4 |
Points for Asics, New Balance, and Mizuno. It’s not going to challenge Nike who move on to 445 points, but it’s nice to see some new boys on the block.
Tomorrow’s World Cup matches
Saudi Arabia v Egypt 15:00 (GMT)
Uruguay v Russia 15:00 (GMT)
Iran v Portugal 19:00 (GMT)
Spain v Morocco 19:00 (GMT)
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