You don’t need us to tell you that today was the day that England opened their World Cup campaign. The Three Lions faced Tunisia in their opener, with Belgium and Panama also in action in that group. Elsewhere, Sweden faced South Korea.
Yes there was controversy. Yes VAR was (and in some cases wasn’t) used. Yes there were multiple penalties. But that is just par for the course in this tournament.
BOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Last minute winners feel damn good.
But before that there was of course a struggle and, for those watching, also pain. It started off so well. We were parting the Tunisian defence as if we were Moses parting the sea. Time and time again England got in behind. Unfortunately, Jesse Lingard didn’t fancy scoring his side’s first goal at the tournament so he squandered multiple chances.
It was the villain of the last Euros who was the hero of this match. Harry Kane, most famed for taking abysmal corners and pissing off 70 million people by launching a free-kick high, and we are talking Tyson Fury-high, over the bar in an England shirt, sought redemption.
He walked on the pitch knowing realistically that he was our only hope of glory. And for once, he didn’t do what Spurs love to do so often. He didn’t bottle it. He grasped the chance and thrust England to a vital three points.
His opener came after just ten minutes. John Stones headed on from a corner and produced a fine save out of the keeper. But it only rebounded back to The King, who volleyed in from close range.
It was all going swimmingly from then on. Chances were being created at will. Tunisia weren’t passing the halfway line and we actually looked decent – bar the relentless missing of absolute sitters.
But suddenly, out of nowhere the fatty in the middle otherwise known as the referee fancied a blow on his whistle. He awarded Tunisia a penalty for… Um… We aren’t quite sure. Why was it a penalty again? Oh yeah that’s right, it bloody wasn’t. The referee is scum. Tunisia are scum. FIFA are scum (DISCLAIMER: no offence intended towards any residents of Tunisia, nor the referee. For the muppets at FIFA however, offence is very much intended).
Ferjani Sassi scored it and somehow the game was level at halftime. The second half was attack versus defence as Tunisia sat deep and England failed to create much at all. In the end, the winner came from another corner. Harry Maguire won the header and flicked it to the back post where that sexy little poacher, Kane, was waiting to head home and send the country into delirium. Thank God he did that otherwise this article would have taken a far darker, more expletive-filled tone.
Look, fair play to Panama. They came to Russia not expecting too much at all. For the Panamanians, just reaching the finals is an achievement, and so it should be. They held out valiantly today, keeping a clean sheet in the first half.
That only seemed to anger the Belgians though, who kicked on in the second half. Dries Mertens volleyed home to break the deadlock and change the whole dynamic of the match. Then Romelu Lukaku wanted to join the party. His diving header gave the keeper no chance as he doubled his nation’s lead before being put through one-on-one and drinking the keeper to make it three.
With all due respect to Panama and not too much respect to Tunisia after their laughable ‘fall down at every opportunity’ tactics, neither are going to be challenging for those top two spaces unless England or Belgium make a horrendous boo boo – which admittedly is in England’s locker. So this result was quite expected.
A boring match on paper turned out to be quite a boring match in reality. If only, if only there was some sort of God-like figure. A messiah. A mercurial character capable of taking games by the scruff of the neck, whose personality is lavish and boisterous but it works as his ability backs up the arrogance. I don’t know someone with say, a ponytail… Zlatan we needed you there today.
Anyhow, Sweden were not too bad today and in fact created quite a few chances. Cho Hyun-Woo made a couple of great saves in the Korean goal before his team conceded a penalty, Kim Min-Woo fouling Viktor Claesson. It wasn’t given immediately, but when VAR was consulted it showed a clear penalty – one point in favour of VAR.
Andreas Granqvist stepped up and sent the keeper the wrong way to secure a vital win for the Swedes.
There’s no doubt that Kane’s personalised Hypervenoms are the boot of the day! Despite being anonymous for large parts of the match, Kane showed why he is truly a great striker and finished both chances he had. He will now be referred to as The King.
The goal of the day just has to go to Mertens who scored Belgium’s opener with a fantastic volley.
Yes, loads of other players had better matches today, but when you score a last-minute winner for England we are going to give you POTD.
Kevin De Bruyne’s elegant little clip onto the head of Lukaku was delightful.
For all England fans it is obvious what moment stood out, but we have gone for something different. Granqvist’s celebration as he scored that penalty was brilliant. It showed true passion and typified what the World Cup should be about.
Cho Hyun-Woo +4 (Adidas) – A MOTM performance deserved of four points.
Andreas Granqvist +6 (Nike) – Lead his team heroically, scoring a goal and still keeping a clean sheet.
Mikael Lustig +2 (Adidas) – Clean sheet for the Celtic man.
Ludwig Augustinsson +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Pontus Jannson +2 (Adidas) – Clean sheet.
Robin Olsen +3 (Nike) – Clean sheet for Sweden’s keeper.
Romelu Lukaku +12 (Puma) – Two goals and one MOTM award for United’s big man.
Dedryck Boyata +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet on an easy day for the Belgians.
Toby Alderweireld +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Jan Vertonghen +2 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Thibaut Courtois +3 (Nike) – Clean sheet.
Eden Hazard +2 (Nike) – Assisted Lukaku’s second with a nicely-slipped through pass.
Kevin De Bruyne +2 (Nike) – Spectacular ball clipped in to Lukaku, perfection.
Harry Kane +12 (Nike) – His Hypervenoms didn’t let him down as Kane banged in two goals and won MOTM.
Harry Maguire +2 (Nike) – Had a poor game but won the header for the winner.
Ferjani Sassi +4 (Nike) – Converted the penalty which, if you didn’t realise, was NOT a ******* penalty!
Adidas | Asics | Diadora | Mizuno | New Balance | Nike | Puma | Umbro | Under Armour |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
189 | 14 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 501 | 78 | 2 | 4 |
A big performance from Lukaku gives Puma a boost but Nike are still smashing it at the moment!
Tomorrow’s World Cup matches
Colombia v Japan 13:00 (GMT)
Poland v Senegal 16:00 (GMT)
Russia v Egypt 19:00 (GMT)
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