Another series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here starts this week and we’re buzzing like a broken fridge. It’s the trash reality TV that has it all – Z-list celebs, challenges involving eating kangaroo anus’, and our favourite Geordie duo Ant and Dec.
To mark the TV event of the year (probably) we thought we’d have some fun. There’s been plenty of great contestants on the show and a fair few decent footballers. So we’ve been wondering, what would an I’m A Celeb contestant XI look like?
The Ultimate I’m A Celeb Football Team
I’m A Celeb 11 Formation/Tactics
We’re going to start with formation/tactics and we’re feeling ambitious. By which we mean, this is the only formation we could kind of fit our players in. We’re going for a 3-5-2 and our players can definitely adapt to this if they work hard on the training ground.
Our centre backs are ball players and very mobile. Our wing-backs are athletic and will push forward, attacking at will. Our deepest midfielder is a crab, moving side to side to fill the gaps left by the wing-backs. Our two more advanced midfielders are the engine room, constantly running box to box, always offering an option. Our strikers are versatile and willing, running channels, holding the ball up and importantly scoring goals.
I’m A Celeb Management
Harry Redknapp is Manager of our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
There’s a clear and obvious choice for the manager of the team. 2018s King of the Jungle Harry Redknapp. He led Tottenham to a top 4 finish and Portsmouth to the FA cup. With this squad of players, we really feel he can go all the way and take I’m A Celeb FC to Champions League winners.
Carol Thatcher is Assistant Manager of our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
On his staff are two women that we feel can help lead this team to glory. Firstly, Harry’s assistant will be Carol Thatcher. She is the daughter of Margaret Thatcher the UK’s first female prime minister. Taking inspiration from her mother, Carol will be the perfect foil for Harry to fall back on.
Rebekah Vardy is PR Manager of our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Secondly, we’re gonna need to be popular and have a strong relationship with the press and fans. We’re going with Rebekah Vardy for this role, we couldn’t leave her out could we! She will run the PR side of the club including social media – what could possibly go wrong?
The I’m A Celeb Ultimate XI
Goalkeeper – John Fashanu
John Fashanu is Goalkeeper in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
The weakest area of our team. We couldn’t think of an actual keeper. But we all know the reason someone goes in goal is because they’re crap with their feet. Enter John Fashanu. Twice capped for England and once voted England’s worst ever player. Yes, his goal scoring record at club level may be decent. That counts for nothing in the I’m A Celeb XI. As the worst player, John Fashanu will be donning the gloves.
Right Centre Back – Razor Ruddock
Razor Ruddock is Right Centre Back in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Our back 3 isn’t going to be glamorous but god damn it they’re going to be effective. Yes we have said they’ll be ball players. But we don’t have Man City’s billions. So Razor Ruddock is going to have to learn to play a bit. He’s also hard as nails so strikers won’t want to be near him. Plus his recent appearance on Masterchef has shown he can double as team chef. Ideal.
Middle Centre Back – David Haye
David Haye is Middle Centre Back in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Did we mention the back 3 won’t be glamorous? Another big hard man at centre back. 6 foot 3 inches of pure rock. Head it, kick it, and go from there. We’re just hoping his dodgy shoulder holds up. May also need to learn to play a bit.
Left Centre Back – Wayne Bridge
Wayne Bridge is Left Centre Back in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Wayne is going to bring a bit of class and know how to our back 3. Although he’s technically a full-back, we’ve no doubt he can do a job left of a 3. Let’s just hope he marks his opposite number closer than his ex. Especially when John Terry is around!
Left Wing Back – Mark Wright
Mark Wright is Left Wing Back in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
TOWIE’s finest footballer. Anyone who has watched SoccerAid will know that Mark Wright can do a bit. His left foot is an absolute wand. He delivers the kind of crosses that David Beckham would be proud of. We’re not letting sweet little Michelle near Rebekah though.
Right Wing Back – Myles Stephenson
Myles Stephenson is Right Wing Back in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Just sneaking in due to his ‘rumoured appearance’ in this year’s show is Rak-Su singer Myles. Myles has done a bit in Non-League football and has had more teams than some people have had hot dinners. He’s left-footed and guaranteed to not track back but brings a bit of flair.
Centre Midfield – Dennis Wise
Dennis Wise is Centre Midfield in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Former Chelsea captain, over 20 England caps our centre midfielder. Even if you can’t really see him (he’s only 5 foot 6 inches) you will certainly know he’s there. Steaming forward scoring goals. Nailed on to get sent off a few times. He won’t go missing.
Centre Midfield – Kieron Dyer
Kieron Dyer is Centre Midfield in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Forever injured but making our team. Always seemed to be a bit of an idiot, confirmed after his fight with Lee Bowyer. Surprisingly Kieron actually seemed like a decent guy on I’m A Celeb. Either way, he’s bringing fighting spirit to the centre of the park let’s just hope Jimmy doesn’t wind him up too much.
Centre Midfield – Jimmy Bullard
Jimmy Bullard is Centre Midfield in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Team joker, wind up merchant, our captain. He’s great on Soccer AM and who can forget that celebration after scoring for Hull VS Man City? Yeah ability-wise he’s a bit of a b-tec David Beckham but he can still do a bit. He’ll slot into an attacking role in our midfielder scoring bangers for fun.
Centre Forward – Ian Wright
Ian Wright is Centre Forward in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
Wrighty! Arsenals second highest goal scorer and an all-round top bloke. What more could you want? Create chances and he will convert them. Also happy to run the channel and never give up on a lost cause. We’d like to think him and Jimmy will get up to all sorts of mischief on and off the pitch.
Centre Forward – Rodney Marsh
Rodney Marsh is Centre Forward in our Ultimate I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Football Team
We couldn’t leave out Manchester City’s one time record signing. An unbelievable goal-scoring record at QPR wasn’t quite matched at City. He’s got all the quality to turn that around at I’m A Celeb FC. A bit of a bad boy and not shy of a fallout, hopefully, we can keep him and Dyer pally.
What do you think of our line-up? Let us know in the comments?
